Our Stories

Brian and Tonya

Meet Jared

  

 

After riding the rollercoaster of infertility for several years, I was ready to call it quits.  I was sick of the fight, sick of pouring money into a slot machine that never returned a single thing, and sick of the built-up hope, and the subsequent crash-landing back to reality.  –We would likely never conceive a baby.

Along with the frustration of infertility, came well-meaning people’s questions over when we were going to start our family.  When we brought them up to date on our infertility status, they would unfailingly offer adoption as a solution to our situation.  Upon their suggestion, I would usually chew them up, spit them out, and ask if they had any more questions or opinions they wanted to share. Usually, they didn’t, to which I felt victorious. J  I didn’t want to discuss adoption with anyone, including my husband.  The subject was completely and totally off-limits. Period.

I had a friend from high school who went to Haiti shortly after the earthquake to help with humanitarian relief efforts there.  I kept seeing photos and status updates on Facebook of the people that he was helping and lives that he was saving.  I messaged him and told him how much I admired what he was doing and that I wished that I could be there helping; never in a million years thinking that I’d actually get the chance.  Within just a short while, he jumped on Facebook and we started messaging back and forth.  He wanted to know if I was really serious about going to Haiti.  I told him that I was.  He let me know that my husband and I needed to be in Las Vegas to catch a flight within a few hours.

My husband and I feverishly began throwing only absolute necessities into a couple of small duffle bags as we I readied ourselves for our first journey to Haiti.

Half way to Haiti, I awoke on our red-eye flight and started to panic – what was I getting myself into??  HAITI??  -After an EARTHQUAKE??  I was insane.  I had to mentally calm myself down and tell myself that it was just for a few days and that there were people in Haiti that needed help a lot more than I needed to be in my comfort zone.

Upon arriving in Haiti, it was dark and too late to travel anywhere that night, so we slept in an open field beside the airport tarmac that could also be considered a mosquito paradise.  We got bit to pieces.  It was a very long, loud night with jets from various countries landing and taking off, donating supplies for the earthquake victims in Haiti.

At first light, we headed immediately to an orphanage to drop off some food and supplies.  I was completely speechless when we got there.  All of the babies, toddlers, and children had been moved outside into the heat and the sun until the orphanage could be inspected and declared structurally sound.  –Many buildings fell after the earthquake when people had gone back inside thinking that it was safe. 

Many of the young children and toddlers rushed towards us, total strangers, saying, “Mama! Papa!”  They were so starved for love and attention.  My heart broke.  My view on adoption changed completely.  I knew that I didn’t need to give birth to any of these children in order to love them and take them in.  I immediately walked over to my husband and informed him that we would be adopting and I hoped that he was on board with me, because come hell or high water, we were going to do it. J

Most of the children at this orphanage didn’t have shoes and there were no toys or books to speak of.  One child held a stick in one hand and a piece of garbage in the other and was banging them together as a form of entertainment.  There was an oily old delivery truck and a few tents that were filled with babies.  They were crying from the heat.  The smell inside these sweltering-hot tents was deplorable, and flies were everywhere.  My husband and I would take a baby in each arm and walk them outside of the tent to give them some relief from the heat.  After 15-20 minutes, we would take those babies back in the tent and each of us would pick up two more.  Once we put the babies back in the tents, they would cry immediately.  I discovered that all I needed to do was put my hand on their arm or their tummy and they would stop crying.

We visited one other orphanage and spent time dropping off food and assisting in medevacs for the remainder of our time in Haiti.  Our outlook on adoption would never be the same.  We knew we would never be able to leave that country with the same lives as before.  Haiti left an indelible impression on our hearts and minds and we set out to do whatever we could to help this poor country and to adopt a child into our family.

We immediately began our adoption paperwork and hoop-jumping upon our return home.  We completed everything from doctor visits, psychological evaluations, letters, endless amounts of paperwork, blood tests, bank statements, notarized documents, background checks, etc. in about 35 days.

We met and were matched with our first child, Jared, while we were in Haiti on our second trip.  He was 4 months old.  We fell in love quickly and deeply with him.  It was his face that kept us going on our adoption journey.  It took 16 ½ months before we were finally cleared by the Haitian government to bring him home.  The whole process was incredibly maddening, but we felt fortunate for the visits that we were able to have with our little guy during the long wait.

Nearly a year-and-a-half later when we finally got the call that we could pick him up, we were thrilled beyond words.  After our long journey, we arrived at the orphanage for the last time.  I immediately lifted Jared up into my arms and we took him back to our stay room.  I held him to me and just cried.  In some ways it felt like another visit, but in other ways, I knew we wouldn’t be leaving that country again without him.

He has been such a blessing to us.  He is so full of love and sweetness.  He is so intelligent and willing to help wherever needed, even without being asked.  I can’t imagine my life without his happy, adorable self around.

Brecken

Tuesday afternoon, October 8, 2013, I received an email from an agent with Heart & Soul Adoptions in northern Utah, letting us know about an adoption possibility of a full African-American baby boy whose birth mom was currently in labor.  Ever since we put our profile online with LDS Family Services, getting emails like this from other agencies was quite common.  With each email I got, however, I would scan through it, think, ‘eh’, then hit “delete”.  When I read through this email, though, I had my interest piqued, which was unusual, because all of the other emails we had received from other agencies during the last 6 months didn’t hold my interest whatsoever.

 I immediately emailed the agent back requesting more details about the situation.  I didn’t bother asking my husband, Brian, because I wasn’t sure if the adoption would actually go anywhere and I didn’t want him to get in my way if it did.  J  But the more I learned from this adoption agent, the more strongly I felt about pursuing the adoption. 

 The agent and I continued to exchange, emails, texts, and phone calls over the next 24 hours.  She let me know that the birth mom didn’t want to choose the family; that she wanted the agency to do it for her.  So, during a conversation on Wednesday evening, I was direct with our agent in letting her know that we were interested and asked her what the status of the adoption was and what we needed to do to make it happen.

She told me that there were a few other families who were also interested in this baby, but that she was leaning more towards our family.  Naturally, I wanted to know what we could do to help her lean right on over towards us…  ;)

 So I asked, “Well, do we need to start packing some things in case we are chosen, or should we just wait to hear back from you, or…?”

 She asked me if we were interested in and wanted this baby.

 “Yes! We do.” I replied.  “We really want him!”

 She replied. “Ok, you can have him.” 

 It was rather anticlimactic how she “announced” it, but I didn’t care.  I just about went over the moon.  We were going to have another child, and best of all, he was going to be brown and chocolaty!  Yay!

 I got a few more details from our agent and then I talked things over with Brian.  We were really concerned about the astronomically exorbitant costs involved, which continued to grow since the birth mom was needing a C-section and was being flown to northern Utah for it, but in the end, we decided that we wanted a family, that this was an opportunity right now, and we weren’t sure when else we would get one, so we decided to drain our bank accounts (both personal and work), held our breath, and took the leap.

We zoomed over to Target, where we met Brian’s mom who helped us and gave us suggestions and information on what we’d likely want and need.  We anxiously and very quickly started piling things into a shopping cart that would get us by for a few days.  Although we still had some things from when Jared was a baby, Jared didn’t come home from Haiti until he was 20+ months, so we didn’t have any clothes that would fit this baby. 

Although it was quite late, once we got home from Target, we started washing the new items and frantically packing our luggage, making to-do lists, and printing and signing paperwork that our agent kept emailing to us.  We also had to have 5 reference letters from family and friends since Heart & Soul wouldn’t accept the ones that were already part of our adoption packet with LDS Family Services.  Don’t ask me why because we asked the same people to write the letters over again. 

 Needless to say, we slept very little that night (nor during the next several nights).  The next day, we were up bright and early, getting things all ready for our trip northward and making arrangements to get all the money we’ve ever made in our lives, plus an extremely generous donation from Brian’s parents, to be wired to this adoption agency. 

Shortly after noon, our agent texted us and told us that our baby was born.  Jared was freaking out and literally trying to push us out the door and kept asking us what we were waiting for.  We quickly finished our last-minute packing and to-dos, and then we were off!

Having Brian’s mom with us on the trip north proved to be a great blessing and help.  She stayed with Brian’s sister and watched our four-year-old son for us.

 During our drive up north, Brian’s sister, Michelle, was an angel and ran to get us a bouquet of flowers and a gift basket with some goodies and crossword puzzles in it for the birth mom since we were running low on time.  (The birth mom wanted to meet us around 6:30-7:00 p.m. that night.)

We dropped our son, Jared, and Brian’s mom, LaPriel, off at Brian’s sister’s house, grabbed the flowers and gifts for the birth mom and zoomed toward the hospital, picking some Taco Bell food up on the way, as per the birth mom’s request.

 The birth mom proved to be nothing but sweet, laid-back and totally loveable.  When we walked into her hospital room for the first time, she looked at me and said, “Hey, mom…”  J  I took one look at Brecken (the name we chose while staying in the hospital) and absolutely fell in love!  That incredibly adorable and tiny baby was mine! 

 I asked the birth mom, Felicia, if I could give her a hug and then we started chatting.  She was the most personable, warm gal.  It was so easy talking to her – just like an old friend.  And when we weren’t talking, we simply fell into a comfortable silence.

Shortly after we arrived at the hospital and before we could hold Brecken, we were told that his temperature was low, so he was taken into the nursery and warmed up.  About 30 minutes later, we went in there and I was able to feed him a bottle for the first time.  Love!

The stay at the hospital was a good one, other than the sleeping arrangements.  We had one single bed and a horrifically uncomfortable recliner chair that felt more like petrified wood in a very tight “V” shape. Brian and I actually managed to squeeze into the single bed most of the time for the sake of comfort and sleep.

 We spent plenty of time fussing over Brecken, taking tons of photos and talking for hours with Felicia.  It was seriously so wonderful.

 The morning that we were to be released from the hospital, I went into Felicia’s room, where she was holding Brecken in her bed and just sobbing.  My heart broke for her and I fell apart, too.  I asked her if she wanted some time alone, but she insisted that she was fine and sucked it up.  I don’t know how, though. I cannot imagine what kind of pain she must have been drowning in.

 The hospital brought in a formal celebratory “dinner” for her, but she didn’t eat much of it.  We chatted until it was time for her to go to the airport. 

We got a few more photos with each other and then her social worker escorted her out of the room and to the airport.

We were instructed on things regarding the care of our newborn as well as adoption information, and then we were also released from the hospital.  We were very anxious to get home to try and get some rest, get settled in, and start a new chapter of our lives.

Brecken has been such a delight and has brought such a fun, sweet, and loving spirit with him into our home.  And Jared is just as proud as a peacock.  J

 We really love this little guy and are just thrilled that we get to have two adorably handsome boys that are both chocolaty and easy on the eyes.  J